Amazing Strength

Kids are strong...It's the adults who are weak. That little guy there to my left is my nephew, Avery. I love the kid. I love to run in the park with him, and sit on a bench and watch him play, give him a hard time about girls at school, and have him flex his muscles to show off his strength.

I feel like some old man, looking back at kids and the park and being able to sit there for an hour just admiring how they can enjoy life so much even though things at home may not be perfect. They're carefree, and without stress. I worry about bills, about that sound my car makes, the hours of sleep that I'll get tonight, and just making it through the day; but he's different. I can get him a book on monster trucks and his whole week will be good in his eyes.

Everything in our life is really a big fight for comfort here in America. None of us are starving, or without a real source for shelter. When I was in India we were reading about people dying from the cold in the street. People who work hard everyday, and after long hours go "home" to rest on the ground next to a building. We can all live well off of $20,000 a year, but all of us would complain. After all, it's our right to own our house, right? To drive a nice car?

My life has become a lot more complicated since I've been home. It used to be that I got some food, and paid for my stay at a place and that would get me by. Now, I have air conditioning that I have to pay for. It's ironic to me. I fight for comfort. I want more. For some reason I need more security than a full stomach, I need to compete against my neighbor who makes more than me.

I don't want to sound negative, but am I the only one who looks at my unquenchable thirst and says, "What the hell am I doing this for?"

"I need leather seats?" I say to myself. I'm not being critical of others, I'm targeting number one, me. When I truly examine what I want in life, I'm fine with a tank of gas, and my needs met.

I'm tellin' you, kids are tough. I went through a lot as a kid. Where did that strength go? It left when comfort became king, when need was usurped by want. Like I said, it's the adults who are weak.

Quick Thought

There is something terribly wrong when we creatures, created in our Creator's image, live a life in which we do not use our creativity. We settle with finding a skill, mastering it, and milking it for our money. It becomes our safety, our formidable wall against the woes of life. God forbid we should end up in a place where we choose safety over risk, comfort or challenge, and death over creativity.

Ill Content With Staying Normal

The majority of people that I run into seem to look at me with an awkward angle. They don't quite know what to make of whatever it is that they're staring at. It's not bad, I just think it's something like a Forrest Gump quote, "Your boy is different." Eventually people enjoy my company, or utterly hate me, but I tend to remain unaffected with either. You see, I'm in my own world. A separate world.

A funny quote that I tell people is, "I see with perfect 20/20 vision, the rest of the world wears bi-focals." I say this as a joke, as I am a sarcastic and witty individual, and I recognize that I'm a bit odd. Being no bearded lady, my oddness seems to come with the way that I think, and see life. And, I still recognize that my life will not be normal; or at least I hope not. Normal is fine. Normal is just that...normal. Yet, there is an urge for me to start running down the street and never stop running. I don't love running, so that's not the reason. It's more that I feel as if I'm going crazy; like one of those geniuses that are so wrapped up on what they want to accomplish that they end up in a mental institution.

In the end, I suppose that it's this: when one is in complete discontent with life, it's best to change some things up. I believe that this comes more from the fact that I have absolutely no idea of what I am going to do in life. This is normal, I know. But, remember, I hate normal. No, in actuality I'm fine with this, but where ever I end up I'm sure that it will be doing something that people will surely shake their heads at. I mean, c'mon, it wouldn't be Darnell if I didn't cause heads to shake.

Sometimes We Try, But It Just Ain't Gonna' Happen

A few years after a change in my worldview, and some fuel in the ol' think tank, I jumped on a boat headed for scholastic success. I'm in need of an audience, and as much as I love my dear blog, it doesn't quite reach the ends of the earth. Thus the reason I chose to enroll in school. Plans change again.

My family is far from rich, and provisions for college are limited to a toll of zero, and the government places me in the role of a 'dependent,' leaving me with few funds to tap into for my education. As a missionary, my income has been pretty limited, and I'm having a hard time locating alternative loans. School is on my heals, and not having the money to pay for it I'll be setting that goal further up the road as to when I can afford it.

This really is quite heartbreaking for me, but I doubt that any motivation will fade over a few years. In the photo above I'm with my grandpa, an old rugged marine who lives on the island of Okinawa. He's invited me to Japan for a bit, and I'm looking into it. I was planning on a minor in Japanese, but I may have the ability to gain some skills while there, and await until I'm old enough to qualify for independent status. Besides, it's been over 6 months that I've been in The States, I'm in need for a taste of the foreign; and this brings me to learn more about my roots of the Japanese culture.

Ideas Worth Spreading

Hey, here's a pretty interesting site. Most of you who are the type to buzz by a persons blog would appreciate such a site as this. The rest of you can just go to the Flickr badge to see photos.

www.Ted.com

So, Apparently They Want Money For School

It's the little foxes that spoil the vine, they say. Big plans can be ruined by minute details, like needing money in order to go to school. You see, I fall in this distinct class of individuals that find themselves in need of a decent chunk of change for school, and having left high school believing that I would never attend college my piggy bank is one that does not sit upon my shelf with much weight.

The government considers you a dependent of your parent until the age of 24, yes, that old. This leaves me, a 22 year old male, with the appearance that I have more money than I do. My income this last year was just shy of not having to file for taxes, but when my parents income is taken in there appears to be more. It's not much, but enough for the government to decline on offering me a hand at this point for school. The difficult thing is that my parents will not be able to help me out during school; I'll be on my own.

A pilgrim, I find myself searching through loans in hopes that I'll be able to attend and find enough money to pay my monthly bills. A disheartening position, but I'm sure it will all work out fine.